The True Measure of Life – DREAM

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DESIRE of future REALITY obtained from invested ENERGY to ATTAIN your true-life MEASURE

I was closing the gate when I overhead two kids arguing about who has the best dream. The child with a black hoodie said I will have many cars and a big, beautiful house. The child with a white T-shirt responded by saying, I will have a lot of money to buy anything I want. I laughed and walked away, the kids continued with their argument. 

I entered the house and closed the door. I started to think about the kid’s argument and asked myself what stopped us from being so bold about our dreams. In their argument they used “will” as a commanding word, meaning there are sure it will happen. What made these kids to be so confident? I once had that a man without a dream is good as dead, does it mean if do not have a dream you’re dead?  Suzy Kassem said, “a heart without dreams is like a bird without feathers”. The dreams make life fulfilling and fly like a bird.  They are a lot of articles and studies done on the concept of DREAM. They emphasize the importance of having a dream, Walt Disney said if you can dream it, you can achieve it. I concluded that the kids were so confident because of the DREAM. The article by Mathew Walker shares few things about dreaming, one of the things is that dreaming enhances creativity and problem-solving.

The articles and studies also emphasize the importance of taking action to make your dream a reality. In the word DREAM, I noticed that it has a phrase that try to explain the word DREAM. The phrase is “DESIRE of future REALITY obtained from invested ENERGY to ATTAIN your true life MEASURE”.

This means if you invest your energy in your desire, your future goals can be your reality and live life with purpose.

When I was writing this blog, I also came across the life coaching method called DREAM used to guide individuals back to their true life desires. The coaching method breakdown DREAM into 5 steps:

  1. Desire: The things you really want, what impact you want to have and what is your ultimate goal.
  2. Reality: Your current status vs your future status.
  3. Energy: How much effort is required to close the gap between current status and future goals. Tools needed to achieve your goals.
  4. Attain: It action plan is broken down into smaller tasks detailing steps to achieve your ultimate goals and implementation of the action plan.
  5. Measure: Reviewing your progress, rewards or rewarding yourself and the impact made to you and others.

What is your true life measure that will change your life and others?

https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/why_your_brain_needs_to_dream

https://www.goalcast.com/walt-disney-quotes-awaken-dreamer-in-you/https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/suzy_kassem_731058

Hiking and Waterfall lesson – TRAIL

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Nature will teach you a lot of things about life if you are observant. I have adopted hiking as one of my hobbies. I’ve noticed that most of my hiking trails have a waterfall at the end and the tougher the hiking trail the greater the waterfall experience. I have learned a few things during my hiking trails:

  1. It is very important to follow the route, some people have walked this route before, and it will take you to your destination. This applies to a real-life situation, some people have been walking the same journey and it is important to use they are route to success.   
  2. You must not rush so that you will not miss the signs. Even in real-life situations, we do experience signs (gutfeel), and we must not ignore them. They are part of nature guiding you to your success.
  3. The best waterfall view is always on the longest route and rough, but it is worth it. To simplify it, hard work always pays off (fortune favours the bold).
  4. Always try to find support, so that you will not slip and fall. Get a mentor or coach to give you support and encouragement in your journey to your success.
  5. Enjoy your hiking journey so that you will embrace the lesson. While you are working hard for your future success, enjoy it, so that you will remember the learnings of your hard work.
  6. Use the waterfall as a reward and resting station. So you can recharge for the way back. Always celebrate your small achievement and reward yourself for your hard work.

This is the way of life, follow the trail of the successful people, they live clues. The journey may be rough and long but is always rewarding in the end. Lastly, always celebrate your achievement. The TRAIL is part of the way of life, it teaches the following:

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  • Teamwork: Hiking as a team, simplify the route and you have a team to motivate you during the trail. In life, you need to build a team of people that will support you, motivate you and consult during difficult times.
  • Respect: Hiking teaches you respect, as you walk the route, you respect everyone that has completed the trail. You must respect the people that have worked hard for their success. The journey to success is not easy.
  • Accountability: You are personally accountable for your safety and returning back to the station point during the trail. You are responsible and accountable for the decision you take to achieve your desire.
  • Integrity: Have completed the hiking trail, all the people starting the trail look at you with the eyes of strong moral principles. Your accomplishment in life builds your integrity in the eyes of the many.
  • Leadership: The hiking trail gives you direction to the waterfall’s best view. This skill is critical in life to provide direction in the journey to success. Hiking teaches you the skill of providing direction for the benefit of others.

Time The Life Currency

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I was watching a movie last night called “In Time”, the storyline is based on the narrative of time as a currency. All employees get paid with time, that met the richer you are, the more time to live. The rich population lived in a different time zone from the working class.

This has made me think, what if time was a currency of life? The concept of earning more time to live come from good deeds, respect, a helping hand, caring and positive life. This concept is based on the bible 5thcommandment: honor your father and mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you. The simplified version states Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother,” which is the first commandment with promise: “that it may be well with you, and you may live long on the earth.” 

If you were to conduct introspection, how much time you will have if the time currency concept was a reality. Who do you help with time to live longer and how disciplined will you be with your time, if time was a currency of life?  A wise man links this concept of time as a currency of life narrative to Lord works from the inside out and the change of human nature. Respecting and caring about yourself will result in caring for others. This means you will earn more time in the process. If T.I.M.E is life currency, what will this mean?

Treasure: A quantity of precious metals and wealth. Time is a treasure in the concept of time as a currency of life and will give you an opportunity to serve and care for others.

Integrity: The state of being whole and undivided is imported. To me being whole means keeping your promises and doing the right thing. The right thing is good deeds, respect, a helping hand, caring and positive life. Having integrity will earn you time and be rich in the concept of time as a currency of life.

Maestro: Someone who is skilled enough to be considered an artistic genius. Maestro is reserved for people with an enormous amount of skill and talent. With the skill and talent, you can help others and promote positive life. Your skill and talent can earn you time and be rich in the concept of time as a currency of life.

Earn: To receive as return for effort and especially for work done or services rendered. All your good deeds, respect, helping hand and caring will earn you return for effort, as per commandment promise: “that it may be well with you, and you may live long on the earth.”

How rich are you in the concept of time as a currency of life?

All efforts have results – Reward

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There is no effort without results. Ask married couples trying to get a baby, they may not have the baby at the time they want, babies are God Gifts, but they are relationship becomes stronger.

We live in a world that is moving at a fast speed and we want results now. I may agree with the argument that results are the most important things to our lives with reservations. We only think of results as a positive outcome, however, results can be a negative outcome. That is why most coaching methods promote the effort of recognition since positive results are not guaranteed. Effort creates an information base data that will help you to improve or correct your results. If you only focus on the results, you will get positive results by luck and that is a short-term solution. Sometimes the results can be negative but if you review your efforts information base data, they are actually positive in the long term or in the other expect of life.

Results are not so straightforward, results tend to be more measurable and visible in most cases. However great effort will require that we as individuals have more insight and show more interest in our self-daily activities. However, there are three good reasons why we should do it anyway, even if it’s more demanding on us.

  1. The effort is not reliant on luck- While good results may be due to luck, great effort is always due to individual talents and attitude – and those individuals who consistently demonstrate and improve skills should clearly be recognized and celebrated.
  2. A strong effort will – in the long run – always lead to better results. It’s no good if we only optimize for this short-term result. We are optimizing for the next 20- or 30-year results.
  3. We avoid suboptimization
  4. If we only recognize our results, we’re creating a culture in which we’ll do anything to obtain results – instead of doing what’s right for ourselves and the long term targets of our lives. If I only get rewards for achieving targets, why on earth should I spend time and effort helping others?

Short term results will mislead you, while the long-term results based on efforts will reward you for life. The word REWARD carries the great wisdom:

Resilience: Resilience is that ineffable quality that allows some people to be knocked down by life and come back stronger than ever. Rather than letting failure overcome them and drain their resolve, they find a way to rise from the ashes. Resilience provides a foundation to focus on the principles of recognizing the efforts. 

Endurance: Endurance is needed for godly living because few things about life are easy. While we shouldn’t face each day with grim determination, we need something to carry us. Life requires a sustained determination to remain strong and faithful — step-by-step, day by day, and moment by moment. Endurance carries you through the negative result while perusing lifelong and sustainable results.

Willpower: Willpower isn’t something you have or something you lack. It rises and falls and while it’s impossible to maximize your willpower for every moment of every day, it is possible to make a few changes to your day and your routine so that you can get the most of your decisions and make consistent progress on the things that are important to you. The willpower will boost your efforts information base data approach and first track path to achieving lifelong and sustainable results.

Ambition: Ambition is the strong desire to achieve a goal. Ambitious people are tenacious, determined and pursue their efforts with hard work. Successful people use their determination and translate it into turning their dreams into reality. Ambition is the drive to get what you want in life and see those goals through from start to finish. Ambition is the hunger for achieving the goal and staying determined to pursue long-life goals and sustainable results. 

Resourcefulness: Being resourceful is the ability to find and use available resources to solve problems and achieve goals. And there is no more important trait to possess than resourcefulness in the pursuit of success in data science, and life. The efforts of information base data become a resourceful tool in enhancing the long-life goals and sustainable results.

Discipline: Self-discipline is one of the most important and useful skills. A disciplined person is more punctual than other people. Such a person is more likely to take control and responsibility for his or her life. He or she can set goals and take concrete steps to achieve them. The disciplined approach provides controls to achieving long-life goals and sustainable results.

Productivity is never an accident. It is always the result of a commitment to excellence, intelligent planning, and focused effort – Paul J. Meyer.

https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/ambition/

https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/effort-quoteshttps://www.successconsciousness.com/blog/inner-strength/self-discipline/

The Man in The Corner- Challenge

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The man in the corner is fearless however the man in the comfort zone is in trouble.

I’ve had many stories about individuals that started a business after losing their jobs and end up becoming successful businessmen or businesswomen. When they tell their stories, they all say the same things. “I had nothing to lose” all of them they we in a state of fearless. The common word in all their stories is fearless. Fearless individuals are introspective of their own mental processes in that they feel the fear and do the thing anyway. Another common trait of the fearless is that they give themselves the leniency to be human. 

Dr.  Craig said “A fearless mind is achieved when we have cleansed ourselves of the barriers that prevent us from reaching our greatest potential. We do this by learning to accept what we have control over and what we don’t. Once we understand what our responsibility is and what isn’t, then we can channel all our energy into mastering those aspects that we have direct responsibility and not waste energy on those things that are not within our responsibility”.

Focusing on what you can control. It’s a cliché, but it’s true. It can also change your life. “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.” — Maya Angelou. If being fearless is about focusing on what you can control and removing all barriers that prevent us from reaching our greatest potential. Finding ways to enhance a fearless mindset which promote successful culture is the way to go. Anthony Mazzocchi says the are 14 Ways To Be Fearless and these methods have helped many people to be successful. Many of the methods I have used to prepare for huge performances have helped me to conquer fear in other areas of life.

Here’s how you can start overcoming fear:

  1. Be aware of fear in your life. Before you can begin overcoming fear, you have to admit that you have it. Perhaps fear is your “normal” state of being, and that is quite a bit to overcome all at once.  Write down some aspects of your life where have to fear;  getting them down on paper is important because trying to simply think them through never works.
  2. Stare at fearless people.  Fill your brain with images of what you want your “future self” to look like.  Connect with as many role models as you can, whether in person, through a book, or online.  Use these examples as an energy source to combat your fear.
  3. Be objective. Take an interest in investigating your fears. Ask yourself about what thoughts generate your fear, where you feel the fear, and how you react to it. Try to be an objective observer of your own life.
  4. Be willing to look stupid.  Remember:  Wayne Gretzky fell on his tail a ton, and Itzhak Perlman has had horrible performances.  Once you are willing to risk the emotional pain of making mistakes, you will shed more fear than you ever imagined.  Know that making mistakes will help you obtain the information you use to create the correct behaviors and that everyone who has ever done something great has failed more than once.
  5. Adopt a mindset of gratitude. Whenever you feel fear, try to feel grateful instead. I have been performing a lot of solos recently, and it is scary!  Instead of freaking out, I have decided to be grateful for the opportunity to communicate musically with so many people, and I know that they are there to genuinely listen to me play and root me on.
  6. Seek out, teachers.  It’s never too late to have a teacher; we are never done learning.  Seek out someone who scares you a little—not a polite person who always makes you feel warm and fuzzy.  Seek out someone who watches you closely, is brutally honest, and gives clear directions on how you can get better at whatever scares you.
  7. Share. How often do we hold the negative in because we are afraid of how others might react?  Sharing helps because you will realize that many people feel the same way as you do and have stories to share as well.  Do you have a fear of success or a fear of failure?  Sharing with someone can help you examine what you truly want from life, and where your fears come from.
  8. Embrace struggle.  Most of us instinctively avoid struggle, because it feels like a failure, and that scares us, but the term “no pain, no gain” holds true.  To develop our skills, it is a necessity that we struggle with, so we must embrace it.  Once we struggle, fear slowly disintegrates.
  9. Read. My personal favorite. Reading a good book related to your specific fear can open new doors on how you can get rid of it. I constantly fill my world with motivational and inspirational books on and related to, the topic I’m dealing with.
  10. Use visualization. Imagine yourself in a scary situation without fear. Watch people do things fearlessly that would normally freak you out.  Visualize yourself as that person.  Create a very clear picture of fearlessness in your mind.
  11. Put things in perspective. Putting your negative thoughts in perspective is a huge way to overcome fear. In the grand scheme of life, why are you afraid? While you are freaking out about something, life is moving on without you.  Sometimes it’s helpful to remember this.
  12. Release control. Of course, we want to be in control, but when we relinquish it we tend to free ourselves up.  Allow yourself to make mistakes—after all, that’s where learning and growth really happen.  We learn from our failures, but to fail we need to release control.
  13. Think about the worst-case scenario. What’s the worst that could happen? I have crumbled on stage in front of hundreds of people. My wife still loved me; I lived. Life goes on.
  14. Look within. What is the root of your fear? Meditate on it. Look inside and ask yourself when the fear started: How far back does your fear go? Did you have an early failure that has stuck with you?  Explore it.  That’s what life is all about.

So if there is a way to be fearless and achieve all, what is stopping us to be fearless. We always wait to be pushed to a corner to start being fearless.  They say a man in the corner is fearless, however, the man in the comfort zone is in trouble.

When successful individual tells their stories, they say their comfort zone was holding them back. Your comfort zone is a place where you feel safe, comfortable and in control, but your abilities are not being tested, or you do not have anything new or different thing to do from your daily routine. Uma Kasoji said growth and success lie outside your comfort zone. “If you’re too comfortable, it’s time to move on. Terrified of what’s next? You’re on the right track.” — Susan Fales. What can move you out of your comfort zone? These are some of the examples, loss of income, losing your loved one, losing your support structure and more. All these are life challenges which we do not want to happen to us, however, they play an important role in moving us out of our comfort zone and becoming fearless in life. 

Challenges are important parts of life that give you experiences, make you learn and help you to become wiser and stronger. Challenges make us grow and shape us. Facing challenges and navigating one’s way through them builds resilience capacity. Knowing that one can overcome obstacles, learn from struggles and benefit from mistakes lays a solid foundation for success in later life.

It is important to embrace our challenges as they force us out of our comfort zone into fearless individuals. I know it is difficult to embrace a challenge but look at it’s as a catalyst to your success. The word CHALLENGE carry a lot of wisdom for self-development:

Courage: Discovering the ability to do something difficult to achieve, is one way to remove barriers, that is preventing us from the point of fearless. The challenges create a resilience mindset to find the courage of the Man in the corner.

Honor: Honor makes you recognize the importance of life. Once there is honor, there is righteousness and integrity. The privilege of recognizing the importance of life will help you see challenges in a positive light and shape you to be a Man in the corner.

Attitude:  Developing a positive settled way of thinking when facing challenges. This is one way of achieving your greatest potential and its impact on your work performance, relationships and everyone around you. This is what we call the Man in the corner attitude. 

Listen: Listening means paying attention not only to the story, but how it is told, the use of language and voice, and how the other person uses his or her body. In other words, it means being aware of both verbal and non-verbal messages. The challenge has the capability of telling or sending a message. If you pay attention to the message that the challenge is communicating to you will discover the Man in the corner in, you. 

Learn:  Learning is essential to humanity. It’s so embedded in our lives that we rarely consider what it means. Learning is the process of gaining new skills, knowledge, understanding, and values. Challenges are embedded with live essential learning that creates wisdom of the Man in the corner. 

Effort: Effort teaches us that we can do more than we thought. We learn new skills and abilities when we take the time to put in consistent effort. Every new success that we achieve through our efforts increases our confidence in ourselves and our abilities. As we go through our challenges, the effort we put in increases our confidence in ourselves and our abilities. This teaches us the characteristics of the Man in the corner.

Now: “The Power of Now” is a spiritual self-help guide to help us discover our true Being, release our pain and find deep inner peace. When we are intensely present in the Now, we respond from deep consciousness and flow with ease and joy in life. In so doing, we can better fulfill our outer purpose by Eckhart Tolle. These are characteristics of the Man in the corner that have to find deep inner peace and fulfill our outer purpose.

Grow:  Grow this is the simple yet powerful technique and tools to improve our life. The tools present first, you decide where you are going (the goal) and establish where you currently are (your current reality). You then explore various routes (the options) to your destination. In the final step, establishing the will, you ensure that you’re committed to making the journey, and are prepared for the obstacles that you could meet on the way. The Man in the corner use these tools since they had nothing to lose, they establish their goal, recognize their reality, evaluate his/her options and adopt willpower. 

Empower: This is the process of empowerment concept used by coaches to enhance individuals to achieve their goals. This is one of the Man in corners technics to overcome his challenges by creating life balance. Emphasize – The issue presents the impact of it on different areas of life as per a life wheel and also how other areas of life are contributing to the issue. It allows understanding the width and breadth of the problem fully and completely. It also helps to bring to the surface the totality of the situation, this presents an opportunity to discover the real problem than the presenting issue. 

Motivate – This is the time to collect all the positive resources in an individual to move forward from the current situation.  Motivate people by focusing them on the outcome and using their life experiences to add to the motivational energy. Going back to life situations where they have been successful and created great life learning or success usually helps them to bring the confidence back and get on the path.

Persistence – This is the responsibility/accountability that helps you to persist on the path of success. This involves positive feedback and continuation of the coaching support for the client’s work

Observation – Reexamines the path and provides feedback based upon the experience of the current state. This may result in the modification of the path or simply reinforcement that the current path is going well

Wonder – Wonder and curiosity are the keys in any life situation to bring creativity to life situations. When we are motivated and moving on our path a little curiosity and wonder makes us add elements that will make our life journey more fruitful.

Evaluate – Evaluation is the key to achievement, that set out what to do or we have to tweak and change the things around. Either way, we are on a path to success

Repeat – We keep repeating the above process to help with as many issues as we need. Active listening, open awareness and mindfulness are great tools to help with the process.

Life & Business Coaching Model Iva Mishra

Remember you cannot write “challenge without change in its” and “if doesn’t challenge you it will not change you” unknown.

http://abinoda.com/book/the-fearless-mind

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/comfort-zone-success-journey-hard-live-nawab-sher

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/growth-success-lie-outside-your-comfort-zone-uma-kasoji

https://www.fastcompany.co.za/inspiration/why-challenges-and-problems-are-important-in-life

https://www.abbotsleigh.nsw.edu.au/news/good-reasons-for-embracing-challenges

https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newLDR_89.htm

https://readingraphics.com/book-summary-the-power-of-now/

https://www.strengthforlife.us/post/the-power-of-effort

https://www.learnerbly.com/articles/why-is-learning-important

https://www.skillsyouneed.com/ips/listening-skills.html

https://www.success.com/why-your-attitude-is-everything/

NOW I KNOW AVELA

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This year has been difficult, my sister passed away and I was emotionally challenged, helpless.  You never KNOW how you will feel or react when the passing of your close family member happens. This is one of the pains that you do not have a pian tablet that can help or any medical solution they can help. Knowing that your loved one has passed on, make you sick from an illness that cannot be diagnosed by doctors. What made me sick was the disbelieve of what KNOW, my sister has passed on and the responsibility that will be delegated to me. They say “To whom much is given, much is expected. There’s no way God can give you a huge problem in your head without giving you broad shoulders to hold that head tight and we said to him, in as much as we’re facing these challenges, we don’t pray for less problems, but we wish to pray for more strength, and he’s done that.”

The educated people say knowing put you in an advantageous position, to address the challenge you are facing. It more advantageous to know why? Knowing why makes you find meaning in the challenge you are faced with. The word KNOW made me find meaning in the passing of my sister, with a hope of healing. The word KNOW gave me the following:

  • KWANZAA: Kwanzaa’s seven principles illustrated the unity of the family during the good and sad times. Self-determination during difficult times and family collective work in all challenges in life. Our responsibility within the family and communities and cooperation with others in life. Finding your purpose in life for the benefit of others, be creative to overcome your challenges and never lose faith in all challenges in life.
  • NOMINATED: The process of selecting a candidate to fulfil the obligations related to the work or goals. The candidate goes through tests to be honored or awarded with a new role, my family had to be tested for us to know our new role in life.
  • OBLIGED: This was a morally bounding event, which tested our faith and brought us together as a family.
  • WILLINGNESS: This is about accepting the challenge and committing yourself to be part of the solution. I accepted the responsibility and committed myself to new family roles and tasks.

Knowing the meaning behind KNOW was not enough for me to heal, the pain was there and not going away. A month later I had my coaching section with my life coach Dr Emmanuel Imevbore. I shared my challenges with him, he was accommodative and even shared his painful life experiences with me. This is when he introduced me to the concept of AVELA by Dr Emmanuel Imevbore. AVELA is a concept of keeping you focused and grounded especially in tough times. AVELA stands for: Awareness; Value; Energy/Empowerment; Lifestyle; and Action/Ability.

  • Awareness: Self, People, Situations and Environment: Awareness refers to your knowledge of self, concerning your life purpose, plan and programmes, as well as concerning other people in achieving the purpose. Awareness also refers to your interaction with a specific, spatial and global environment, as you adapt to where you are, as well as what you can or cannot control or change.
  • Value: Value Systems; Principles; People; Desires: You can know a person’s worth by his value systems. What would he spend money on? Where would he spend his most precious moments? With whom does he associate? What does he love to do? Value relates to personal perception of what, where and who is of high importance and great worth, that would demand our attention and affection.
  • Energy: Vigour; Enthusiasm; Passion; Enjoyment: Several researches prove that less than 20% of people employed in an organization are enthusiastic about going to work each day. They often drag themselves out of their beds and go through the motions with gritted teeth each day, just as our kids go through the motions of going to school each day. But, why do we act differently when we are going on a holiday or to visit someone that we love? It is energy! This relates to our perception and our realities about having to do something, rather than loving to do something. When we have to do it, we just do it anyway and try to love doing it. But, when we love it, we love to do it over and over again. We never want to stop – we have the energy. We never get exhausted when we do what we love. Work is work, so it hardly gives us that much pleasure, but even when we do some work that we see as a play, we lose enthusiasm as well. Nothing worthy can be done without real energy.
  • Lifestyle: Excellent Life Balance; Outlook; Worldview: A person’s lifestyle refers to how the person lives his or her life, and functions on a daily basis concerning other people, the environment, personal values, habits, obligations, desires, activities, and behavioural tendencies, among others. Lifestyle thus reveals much about how a person balances his or her life and manages the diverse contending issues that relate to right living and that ensures excellent relationships with people, at work, in business, within the family, at play, at home etc. It suggests a good balance of talents, health, mind, body, spirit, resources and well-being.
  • Action/Ability: Skills, Capacity-building; Resources: Knowledge is often said to be power. The saying simply emphasises the importance of building your capacity and improving your abilities through continuous learning and the appropriate utilisation of the knowledge being acquired to bring about transformational changes in your life and the lives of others.

Thanks to knowing AVELA by Dr Emmanuel Imevbore of International Coaching and Mentoring Institute. I’m now in the process of healing, AVELA did put things into perspective. It taught me that challenges only help to fire that enthusiasm and galvanise you further. You will continue to do great things for yourself, your family and your community when you are more appreciative of the gift of people that are around you. I hope this will find room in your heart and form more information about AVELA principles visit https://ic-mi.com/

Igniting the Human Positive Condition _ PERMA 

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When I was growing up, I use to hear my mother saying, the car has broken down your father will not be a good company to be with. It took me almost 30 years to understand what my mother was saying. It was the call from my wife, that made me understand my mother’s statement. She said love I have car issues, the car does not want to move. What made things more difficult, was the quotation from the mechanic. This affected most of our plans and other engagement. It was the theory of well-being by Dr Seligman that put things into perspective. The theory of well-being is called PERMA.

PERMA™ Theory of Well-Being

Dr Seligman’s PERMA™ theory of well-being is an attempt to answer these fundamental questions. There are five building blocks that enable flourishing – Positive Emotion, Engagement, Relationships, Meaning, and Accomplishment (hence PERMA™) – and there are techniques to increase each. 

The theory state that different people will derive well-being from each of these five building blocks to varying degrees. A good life for one person is not necessarily a good life for another. There are many different routes to a flourishing life and the five building blocks drive the well-being of life:

  • Positive Emotion

Positive emotion is about feeling good and is obviously the most direct path to being happy. When one feels good, one feels positive. However, such positive emotion doesn’t just stop at someone flashing a great smile because that is something anyone can do or, sadly, fake.

Positive emotion goes beyond that and may even involve acceptance of the past regardless of how bad it was and anticipating positively what the future holds.

However, such emotion does not necessarily mean that the person should be happy 100% of the time because that is impossible. But trying to achieve a positive emotion greatly affects many other aspects of life, such as the other elements found in the PERMA model.

The words pleasure and enjoyment are easily associated with happiness but are mistakenly understood to be equal and the same. Pleasure, according to the model, refers to one’s physical needs being satisfied such as food, shelter, water, clothing, and safety. Enjoyment, on the other hand, is the satisfaction and fulfilment derived from doing something such as painting, cross-stitching, or exploring a car’s engine. When enjoyment is achieved, happiness tags along, too.

  • Engagement

The second element in the PERMA Model is Engagement, which refers to something that an individual can get engrossed with or absorbed in. Almost everybody has experienced getting lost in a book or living in “one’s own world” because of something so engaging. It is actually a very positive thing for a person’s intelligence, emotions, and skills, which is why a child who is busy putting together different Lego parts or piling blocks should be allowed to do so and let be.

Doing something that engages an individual also brings happiness even if it has nothing to do at all with one’s work or if it is deemed by others as silly. For example, a woman in her mid-30’s who loves to play the violin can do so, and while engaged in doing it can momentarily leave the present and live in the music.

  • Relationships

 Relationships are the third element of happiness and well-being, according to the PERMA model. As human beings, it is our natural desire to want to be connected and be part of a group such as a clique, school organization, or a circle. We were wired to not just want but need love, affection, attention, and interaction. It is why people need to create relationships with family, co-workers, friends, and peers, because it is from these groups that we can receive emotional support when things get rough.

A simple yet clear example of the need for belongingness and interaction is when high school girls go together to the comfort room even if only one actually needs to use it.

  • Meaning

Many people wonder why many celebrities who live in multi-million-dollar mansions and go on monthly vacations to the Maldives and the Caribbean end up taking their own lives. What they do not understand is that there is so much more to life than just money and material possessions. Above it all, what makes a person want to live is the meaning they find in their lives.

Parents with young children understand how important they are in their children’s lives and so they work hard to provide for their families. A beautiful lady, though unmarried, is happy because she takes care of her ageing parents. These things are worth more than any amount of money and meaning keeps people happy and persistent.

  • Accomplishments

Finally, the fifth PERMA model element is accomplishments. We all take pride in something we’ve done or accomplished. It is these accomplishments that strengthen our self-esteem and our confidence that we are worth something. When we achieve something, we feel good and want to do more and become more. It can be seen even in very young children.

For instance, a little girl learns to use the spoon and fork when eating and when she knows how proud her mother is upon learning this, the child continues to use her spoon and fork. She also seeks new things to learn that are more challenging than what she can already do, such as pouring water into her glass or putting her toys back in the cupboard. In short, these accomplishments drive individuals to achieve more and make them feel good.

Dr Seligman believes that, Yet the concept of “happiness” is often hard to accurately define.

Living the good life, flourishing, self-actualization, joy, and purpose are words that come to mind with happiness. Is it possible to experience any of these in the middle of a chaotic world and negative circumstances? Can we learn to grow or find skills that lead to this “good life?”

Positive psychology takes you through the countryside of pleasure and gratification, up into the high country of strength and virtue, and finally to the peaks of lasting fulfilment, meaning and purpose.

The Dr Seligman PERMA model helped us realize the concept of happiness and give us strength, lasting fulfilment, life meaning and life purpose. 

https://positivepsychology.com/perma-model/

https://ppc.sas.upenn.edu/learn-more/perma-theory-well-being-and-perma-workshops

Dr Seligman Video on Positive Education, 2016

Dr Seligman Video on PERMA and Flourishing in the Classroom, 2016

Hardwork Meet Talent – GIFT

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My first coach and mentor, in my younger days he taught me that hardworking complements talent to achieve success in life. For years I struggled with this phrase. I often hear football coaches saying this is a talented player, but he will not make it to his full potential. One of the reasons they give, the player is not committed enough, or he is not working hand enough. My current coach Dr Emmanuel said to me hardwork plus talent is equal to GIFT. He one of the tiger woods video clips to emphasise this concept. Tiger Woods made a short, looked away and start celebrating because he knew he has hard at work practising this short and he has talent. He also used the debate about Ronaldo and Messi. Dr Emmanuel simplified it this way Messi has great talent, but he complements it with hardwork. Ronaldo is an extremely hardworking footballer complementing his talent. Note the way both sentences are written, the answers to the debate it in the way the sentences are written. Both players use hardwork and talent but in deference sequence. Does this mean talent alone is not enough?

Some of the writers believe that hardwork alone can beat talent any day, is this true? Joshua Flanagan said It feels good to be talented but ‘Hard work beats talent when talent does not work hard’. The vast majority of successful people are said to be ‘simply talented’ or ‘lucky’. Talent is a gift, but luck is a preparedness meeting opportunity. The harder you work, the more prepared you become for opportunity thus making it seem you are ‘luckier’ than most.

The word talent is heard in a variety of contexts. According to Webster definition of talent, is ‘natural ability or power’. Yes, talent is the easiest way to achieve goals, it takes less time and effort to reach the top. It is the path of least resistance and as humans, we seek that out. However, is it the most rewarding or even the most efficient? I do not believe so. Hard work is a mindset, it is painful, uncomfortable, challenging. It allows us to face adversity and grow through that adversity. It calluses our minds in a way that only hard work can. It can lead us to a spot, where no natural talent in the world can come close. You can achieve any dream and vision with hard work.

What Does Hard Work Look Like?

Hard work has no substitute, not even talent. There is only one road, and that road has stormed in the way, goes through the desert, and is very long and slow. That is the road that leads to long-lasting accomplishments. The experience, practice, years of hard work, and smart choices are the paths prosperous people laid track on. Hard work is like climbing Mount Everest. Going through the hardships, the icefalls, hazards, avalanches, frostbite, and several other obstacles and threats. And finally, the extreme altitude comes, the destination is so close, heart pumping blood harder, many run out of oxygen, the track becomes steeper, and there comes the real test. In simple words, this is called consistent effort. You have to keep going even when you are sick of trying again and again when you think this is as far as you could have gone, your energy is all utilized but you have to give one more try, just one more push, one extra mile, one more attempt, and certainly you will reach the summit.

Talent Sounds Good:

We cannot just deny the fact that talent can lead to high-level performance. Some talents are inherited and inborn, like a melodious voice, a five-year-old mathematician, a 2-year-old footballer. All these talents amaze us. It is accurate that talent requires little effort and time. But possessing a talent has its cons too. Less effort leads to laziness and the habit of not working hard enough, which becomes the cause of short-term success. Here is where hard work comes into play. Hard Work demands willpower, high spirits, and passion. People who choose to work hard are goal-oriented and more focused which equals higher levels of success. When you couple talent with hard work it is an unstoppable force.

Jacqueline Walker said Talent is the natural ability or capacity to perform a function. When you possess talent in a given area, you are gifted with the “knack” or “instinct” needed to perform a skill or display a specific quality. But this only means you have the “raw mechanism.”

So, you have the equipment or tools needed to perform the skills, but until you learn how to efficiently and effectively use, manage, and control these resources, you will not be able to perform or use your talents at the highest levels.

The Gift 

Gifted individuals are those who demonstrate outstanding levels of aptitude (defined as an exceptional ability to reason and learn) or competence (documented performance or achievement in the top 10% or rarer) in one or more domains. Domains include any structured area of activity with its symbol system. The example of articles use above has demonstrated outstanding levels of aptitude, meaning they are gifted. However, they only realised they gift from hardwork and talent. The principles of hardwork and talent led me to PositiveMind question what is in the word GIFT, illustrated in the quote.

G – Gratitude: “Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.”—Oprah Winfrey

I – Inspire: Aspire to inspire before you expire

F – Future: The best way to predict your future is to create it. – Abraham Lincon

T – Treasure: Where your pleasure is, there is your treasure: where your treasure, there your heart; where your heart, there your happiness – Saint Augustine

https://www.azquotes.com/quotes/topics/treasure.html

https://everydaypower.com/hard-work-beats-talent/

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/hard-work-beats-talent-every-day-joshua-h-flanagan

Achievement Carries us During Difficult Times

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I often hear people saying you must never look back in life, but the wise man said only look back to draw inspiration. Where do I draw inspiration if nothing is inspiring in the past? What can be classified as inspirational moments? The inspiration moments in my life is every challenge that comes our way. Challenges us, much more than anything else, keeps us up no matter how hard they can get sometimes. We always believe that while challenges were meant to sometimes distract us, they can also give us hope and inspire us to be better. Sometimes it is the results we achieved from the challenges.

The Harvard article titled Why Inspiration Matters by Scott Barry Kaufman, illustrate the importance of inspiration.

we often overlook the important role of inspiration. Inspiration awakens us to new possibilities by allowing us to transcend our ordinary experiences and limitations. Inspiration propels a person from apathy to possibility and transforms the way we perceive our capabilities. Inspiration may sometimes be overlooked because of its elusive nature. Its history of being treated as supernatural or divine hasn’t helped the situation. But as recent research shows, inspiration can be activated, captured, and manipulated, and it has a major effect on important life outcomes. He identified that Inspiration has three main qualities. Psychologists Todd M. Thrash and Andrew J. Elliot have noted these core aspects of inspiration: evocation, transcendence, and approach motivation. First, inspiration is evoked spontaneously without intention. Inspiration is also transcendent of our more animalistic and self-serving concerns and limitations. Such transcendence often involves a moment of clarity and awareness of new possibilities. As Thrash and Elliot note, “The heights of human motivation spring from the beauty and goodness that precede us and awaken us to better possibilities.” This moment of clarity is often vivid and can take the form of a grand vision, or a “seeing” of something one has not seen before (but that was probably always there). Finally, inspiration involves approach motivation, in which the individual strives to transmit, express, or actualize a new idea or vision. According to Thrash and Elliot, inspiration involves both being inspired by something and acting on that inspiration.

These can characteristics were classified in the following 

  1. Inspired people share certain characteristics. Thrash and Elliot developed the “Inspiration Scale,” which measures the frequency with which a person experiences inspiration in their daily lives. They found that inspired people were more open to new experiences, and reported more absorption in their tasks.
  2. Inspiration is not the same as positive affect. Compared to the normal experiences of everyday life, inspiration involves elevated levels of positive affect and task involvement, and lower levels of negative affect. Inspiration is not the same state as positive affect, however. Compared to being in an enthusiastic and excited state, people who enter an inspired state (by thinking of a prior moment they were inspired) reported greater levels of spirituality and meaning, and lower levels of volitional control, controllability, and self-responsibility for their inspiration.
  3. Inspiration is the springboard for creativity. Inspired people view themselves as more creative and show actual increases in self-ratings of creativity over time. Patent-holding inventors report being inspired more frequently and intensely than non-patent holders, and the higher the frequency of inspiration, the higher the number of patents held.
  4. The inspiration facilitates progress toward goals. In a recent study conducted by Marina Milyavskaya and her colleagues, college students were asked to report three goals they intended to accomplish throughout the course of the semester. The researchers note, “this suggests that goal progress and goal inspiration build on each other to form a cycle of greater goal inspiration and greater goal pursuit.” Finally, inspired individuals reported experiencing more purpose in life and more gratitude.
  5. Inspiration increases well-being. In another study, those who were exposed to Michael Jordan’s greatness experienced higher levels of positive affect, and this increase in positive affect was completely explained by their score on the Inspiration Scale. This inspiration was not transitory though, predicting positive well-being (e.g., positive affect, life satisfaction) three months later! Inspiration was more strongly related to the future than to present satisfaction. The extent to which inspiration lasted was explained by self-reported levels of purpose and gratitude in life.

The Harvard article demonstrates Why Inspiration Matters and the role it plays In carrying us during difficult times. The Psychologists recommends the recording of all your life achievements big or small, you may not know what you will need them. Keep them in the notes book, review them during a difficult time.  The principles of recording achievement led me to PositiveMind question what is in the word ACHIEVE, illustrated in the Achieve Coaching Model. The ACHIEVE model has seven steps: ASSESS current situation, CREATIVEbrainstorm alternatives to the current situation, HONE goals, INITIATE options, EVALUATION options, VALIDaction plan design and ENCOURAGE Momentum. It’s a useful model in the world of work.

Assess Current Situation

The first stage of the ACHIEVE Coaching Model is focused on developing an understanding of the current state. The logic is that you can’t understand where you want to get to if you don’t know where you are right now.

Creatively Brainstorm Alternatives

Having established what the current state is, the second stage of this model is designed to help a coachee start to think about potential alternatives. This is a gentle way to help people explore the idea that things could be different, and start to decide how they would like things to be different

Hone Goals

Once the coachee starts to develop an understanding of how things could be different, the third stage of the ACHIEVE Coaching Model helps them start to refine how they would like things to be different and to define the goals that they would like to work towards.

Initiate option generation

The third stage of Achieve Coaching Model is to initiate option generation. Now that the coachee knows both where they are at the moment, and where they would like to get to, the next stage of the model helps them start to explore how to bridge the gap. This stage is about with coming up with potential things they could do, options that may help them achieve their goals. Options should not be assessed at this stage, simply collated.

Evaluation Options

Once the coachee has identified several options that may help them achieve their goal, they should evaluate them and determine which ones, or one, they wish to pursue.

Valid Action Plan Design

By this stage, the coachee should have a fairly clear view of which options they plan to pursue to help them achieve their goal. The next thing they need to do is to add depth to the option, bring it to life and plan the sub-steps and actions they’ll need to complete to help them achieve their goal.

Encourage Momentum

The last stage of the Achieve Coaching Model is to encourage momentum. While having a clear understanding of your current state, a vision of where you want to get to and a clear plan of how to get there is great, it might not always be enough. People are emotional beings, and sometimes a little encouragement and momentum are needed to help us achieve our goals. Coaches have a role to play in this, as do leaders and managers.