Matchstick – FIRE or LIGHT

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The power of a little matchstick can create light to celebrate and give life to the darkroom. The little matchstick can create a fire to cook food for the family or a fire that can destroy a family house. 

The wise man said the matchstick is a resource for igniting (ignite) something. Ignite refers to the process of starting a fire. In this sense – starting something – can also be used to describe the process of starting an argument or inspiring a strong feeling in another person.

The word ignite suggests something that happens quickly, with an intense result. Igniting a fire, for example, happens in just a few seconds when done properly. To ignite feelings in another person also happens quickly, and those feelings are usually strong, like love or anger or fear. The Ignite Talks have taken this idea of a quick, intense start of something and applied it to a series of international events aimed at educating, informing, inspiring and entertaining people with a variety of interesting topics.

Ignite Talks can be on any subject, but each presenter must follow a basic set of rules. Presenters get just 20 slides that advance automatically after only 15 seconds. This means each presentation lasts a total of only five minutes. The result is a fast-paced talk that keeps the audience entertained and engaged, even on complex or difficult topics. Events are held in cities all over the world by Ignite Talks and have encouraged thousands of people to practise public speaking and share their stories.

The question remains, how can a little matchstick be so influential in good and the bed. That means it true if they say dynamite comes in small packages. Even a mouth one of the smaller parts of the body can speak words that give hope and comfort, but it can also speak words that kill individuals and destroys human beings, just like a little matchstick. The proverb says from small beginnings come great things. What people don’t know is that the little things do matter. Small acts of love daily can mean much more compared to a grand romantic gesture that happens only once a year. And simple delights throughout the day can make all the difference and allow you to enjoy a fuller and more satisfying life.

The little spark from the matchstick can create light during the nights and create warmth during cold days. 

Fire: Fire symbolizes many things, including passion, desire, rebirth, resurrection, eternity, destruction, hope, hell and purification. Fire has been used by humans for over 400,000 years. Our ability to control fire is linked to our ability to evolve as a species.

Light: Light is one of the most universal and fundamental symbols. It is the spiritual and the divine, it is illumination and intelligence. Light is the source of goodness and the ultimate reality, and it accompanies transcendence into the Nirvana of Buddhist doctrine.

The characters of the words FIRE & LIGHT made me ask the positivemind question, what is in these two words FIRE & LIGHT illustrated by quotes.

Faith: To one who has faith, no explanation is necessary. To one without faith, no explanation is possible – Thomas Aquinas

Improve: The biggest room in the world is the room for improvement – Helmut Schmidt

Results: There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure – Colin Powell

Emerge: Good art is an art that allows you to enter it from a variety of angles and to emerge with a variety of views – Mary Schmich


Learn: Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever – Mahatma Gandhi

Ignite: A good teacher can inspire hope, ignite the imagination, and instil a love of learning – Brad Henry

Gift: The greatest gift of leadership is a boss who wants you to be successful – Jon Taffer

Help: The hardships that I encountered in the past will help me succeed in the future – Philip Emeagwali

Thrive: I thrive on obstacles. If I’m told that it can’t be told, then I push harder – Issa Rae


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You can only win the Soccer game by scoring the GOAL. To score the GOAL you need a BALL. It is key to focus on the ball so that you can score the goal. How are you going to score if you do not have the ball? asked Dr Emmanuel 

For the past 15 years, I’ve been straggling to understand the theory of goals. Goal setting is planning and taking steps to achieve any desired outcome. Here are the three most effective goal-setting techniques to motivate and take you towards achieving your desired result:

  1. SMART Technique
  2. HARD Technique
  3. WOOP Technique

1. SMART Technique

Good for beginners, it is one of the most popular and efficient methods of goal setting, especially for beginners. It says an effective goal should be SMART — Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, Time-bound.

  • Specific – you know exactly what your goal is.
  • Measurable – you can measure and track your goal.
  • Attainable – your goal is realistic, and you can achieve it.
  • Relevant – your goal is exciting and meaningful to you.
  • Time-bound – you have a clear deadline for your goal.

The most common goal model is SMART. SMART goals are established using a specific set of criteria that ensures your objectives are attainable within a certain time frame.

Writing a SMART goal entails working through each of those five components to build a measurable goal that encompasses exactly what needs to be accomplished and when, and how you’ll know when you’re successful. This approach eliminates generalities and guesswork, sets a clear timeline, and makes it that much easier to track progress and identify missed milestones. 

2. HARD Technique

Good for personal goals., it is an easy and effective way to follow when you want to set personal goals.

Mark Murphy ideated this second method in his well-researched 2009 book Hundred Percenters. To set productive goals, he says the proper way is: H.A.R.D.

Murphy’s research for his book revealed people who set HARD goals were up to 75 per cent more fulfilled than those who set easy goals. He explains how success comes from knowing how to set HARD goals:

  • Heartfelt – have an emotional attachment with your goals when setting them and try to make them “scratch an existential itch.”
  • Animated – see yourself having achieved future success and imagine vivid pictures of the positive feelings after you have achieved them.
  • Required – build a sense of urgency and necessity into the goals you are setting and imbue your goals with a sense of immediacy and urgency.
  • Difficult – make your goals difficult, and be prepared to take their challenges headlong, as outstanding achievements come from tough challenges that leave you feeling stronger, smarter, and happier.

3. WOOP Technique

Good for both personal and business goals, this is a newer technique based on solid science. Gabriele Oettingen, author of Rethinking Positive Thinking: Inside the New Science of Motivation, and Peter Gollwitzer, psychologists at New York University, created WOOP after 20+ years of scientific research. It has proven effective across ages and life domains.

Dr Oettingen is against the Think Positive and Thoughts Become Things movement. While optimism can help us soften the immediate suffering and stand with strength in challenging times, merely dreaming about a bright future makes people more frustrated and unhappy. They become lazy and less likely to achieve their goals.

WOOP improved effort, attendance, and even GPA among students by significant margins. It reduced insecurity-based behaviours (e.g., looking through your partner’s phone log) and increased commitments in romantic relationships. It also doubled regular physical exercise over four months and increased fruit and vegetable intake by 30% over two years.

There is also a WOOP app on Appstore and Playstore.

WOOP bases itself on a visualization technique known as Mental Contrasting with Implementation Intentions (MCII) in the scientific literature. WOOP stands for:

  • W — Wish – wish something you want to accomplish for real, one that is exciting, challenging, realistic.
  • O — Outcome – imagine the best outcome of your goal and recognize how it would make you feel.
  • O — Obstacle – imagine the personal obstacles that prevent you from accomplishing your goal.
  • P — Plan – make an if/then plan to name an action you could do if an obstacle appears

One thing is common about these techniques, they all yielded almost identical results and benefits. It well documented the importance of goal setting, the role of building self-confidence and improving productivity. Here are five reasons why goal setting will improve your focus:

1. Goal’s trigger behaviour.

Having a clear, compelling goal mobilizes your focus toward actionable behaviour. In other words, goal setting should motivate you.

2. Goals guide your focus.

When you set a goal, you naturally direct your attention toward the next step and, as a result, lead yourself in the right direction which forces your actions—your behaviours—to follow.

3. Goals sustain momentum.

Seeing progress is addicting. No seriously, it’s addicting because of the dopamine released in your brain after attaining a reward.

4. Goals align your focus.

Goal setting helps you align focus with behaviour because you get feedback on your progress. The actions you take—or avoid—offer clues about your values, beliefs, challenges, strengths and weaknesses which allow you to course-correct as necessary and reset your goal achievement strategy (and subsequently, your focus).

5. Goal setting promotes self-mastery.

Perhaps the most important reason why goals work is because they build character. Achieving goals builds character. While the process of goal setting is important because it helps unearth and identify what’s truly important to you, pursuing your goals is the real money-maker (literally and figuratively) because it builds self-efficacy; it develops yourself as the type of person who can achieve goals.

My coaching section with Dr Emmanuel Imevbore simplified the concept of GOALS. He introduced the analogy of the soccer match, for a team to win the match the ball must be inside the GOAL post. Without the ball they will be no GOAL, every player in the field of play is focusing on the ball illustrating the importance of the ball to achieve your goal.

What is the ball for our life GOALS? The ball is the functional phases of our GOALS. The character of the word BALL made me ask the positivemind question, what is in the word BALL illustrated by phases.

Building Blocks: In fact, socialization gives us the tools to fill our evolutionary roles. They are our building blocks, Warren Farrell

Action Plan: “If you keep waiting for the ideal time, chances are that there will never be” ― Bernard Kelvin Clive

Learning Experience: There is only one thing more painful than learning from experience and that is not learning from experience, Archibald MacLeish

Leveraging: We must develop knowledge optimization initiatives to leverage our key learnings, Scott Adams

Your Position of Defense – FEAR

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The type of defence in which the bulk of the defending force is disposed of in selected tactical localities where the decisive battle is to be fought. Principal reliance is placed on the ability of the forces in the defended localities to maintain their positions and to control the terrain between them.

I grow up herring everyone defending their positions in life. I’m not in a relationship because I do not want to be abused, I don’t want to get married because married are not happy and are divorced every day, I don’t want to be rich, rich people have bid problems and not happy. There even a song that has a line that confirms this by Puff Daddy. I thought It was just me seeing things but even myself I found myself defending my position in life. I got married very early in life, I defended by saying I wanted to things while they are chip to do. Later on, I found myself defending the issue of getting kids late in our marriage, I do not want my kids to suffer the same way I did.

The wise man said fear reaction starts in the brain and spreads through the body to make adjustments for the best defence, or flight reaction. The fear response starts in a region of the brain called the amygdala. This almond-shaped set of nuclei in the temporal lobe of the brain is dedicated to detecting the emotional salience of the stimuli – how much something stands out to us. A large part of the human brain, just like the brain of other animals, is devoted to threat detection. These circuits are constantly evaluating our internal and external state for threats. This cannot be conscious, because that’s too slow. It’s deep in the brain below the cerebral cortex, where consciousness arises, in a region called the hypothalamic attack region.   

One believes that we all defend our position because of fear. The Top 10 Fears That Hold People Back in Life, According to a Psychotherapist

Change: We live in a rapidly changing world. However, many people fear change. As a result, they resist it. The fear of change can cause people to become stagnant and they may miss out on a lot of really good opportunities in life.

Loneliness: Sometimes people stay in bad relationships or resist living alone due to their fear of loneliness. Learning how to tolerate feeling lonely and finding ways to keep yourself company can help manage the fear of loneliness.

Failure: One of the top fears in the world is the fear of failure. Many people won’t try something new unless they’re confident they can win. Failure is a normal part of life and learning from failure can help you find eventual success.

Rejection: Many people avoid entering into new relationships or trying to meet new people due to a fear of rejection. Even married people often avoid approaching a long-time spouse to ask for something due to a fear that the person will say no. Whether you’ve got a fear of your boss declining your request for a raise or a fear that the attractive person won’t go on a date with you, don’t let the fear of rejection hold you back and do it anyway.

Uncertainty: The fear of uncertainty often prevents people from trying something different. They often worry, “What if I don’t like it?” This fear can prevent people from trying new things or doing things differently from the way they’ve always been done.

Something Bad Happening: Bad things happen in life. It’s inevitable. However, when people constantly fear something bad happening, it often restricts their activities. They may avoid doing a lot of things or going to certain places due to an unrealistic fear that bad things may happen.

Getting Hurt: We should all have some fear of getting hurt. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t look both ways before you crossed the street. However, people who have a big fear of being emotionally hurt often refuse to enter into relationships. They may avoid friendships, keep family at an arm’s length, and skip romantic relationships due to a fear that they won’t be able to handle getting hurt.

Being Judged: People who worry that they’ll be judged negatively by others often shy away from social opportunities or chances to advance their career. People who adopt this fear often exaggerate how others will perceive them negatively and underestimate their ability to tolerate not being well-received by others.

Inadequacy: One of the top fears many people share is that they’re just not good enough. They may pass up opportunities for a promotion or may decline an opportunity to lead a group because they worry that they’re inadequate. Often, they overcompensate for their fears by trying to be a perfectionist but remain plagued by thoughts that they just don’t measure up to other people.

Loss of Freedom: Although we should have some fear of the loss of freedom, some people allow this fear to hold them back. Many people enjoy the freedom they have as a single person and as a result, they avoid serious relationships due to a fear that they won’t be able to tolerate the loss of freedom. Although some loss of freedom does accompany a serious relationship, it’s important to balance independence with dependence and maintain some freedoms.

One way or another, one of these Top 10 Fears Is hold Back our Life and we resort to defending our current position in life. F.E.A.R. is an acronym for False Evidence Appearing Real. There’s no true threat of immediate physical danger, no threat of a loss of someone or something dear to us, actually nothing there at all. F.E.A.R. is an illusion.

The character of the word FEAR made me ask the positivemind question, what is in the word FEAR illustrated by quotes.

Future: “The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.” ― Eleanor Roosevelt

Expectation: “Positive expectations are the mark of the superior personality.” ― Brian Tracy,

Advance: “Opportunity doesn’t make appointments, you have to be ready when it arrives.” ― Tim Fargo

Reality: We all have dreams. But in order to make dreams come into reality, it takes an awful lot of determination, dedication, self-discipline, and effort. – Jesse Owens

What is the fear that is holding you back from achieving your goals and keep you from defending your current position?

Your Skills, Your Currency

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I met the old successful businessman from my hometown, in one of the events back at home. We had a brief discussion about my business developments. I shared my challenges in growing my business. He said the reason most of our businesses are not growing, is because money is the currency and most people do not have money. I asked what do you mean? The old men said I started my first business with the barter system. I trended my castles for the construction of my shop and vegetables to be sold in my shop. In our day, people have skills. I ask myself, why people are not trending their skills? Since that is the only thing they have.   

From what the old successful businessman said, I decided to look into this barter system idea.  In the olden days, the barter system was the way of doing business. People used to start and grow business, using a barter system preserves working capital to apply to your venture. This was kind trade, trade-outs, counter-trades or contra agreements, that was a process of funding day-to-day operational expenses without cash outlay. The 1st Source Bank article state that the definition of a barter system is the exchange of goods and services for other goods or services. They are research indicates that nearly one-third of U.S. small businesses use some type of bartering system (Barter News Weekly). Even so, some experts believe companies are not maximizing their barter possibilities.

Some expect believe that our skills are our currency. Some even go far as saying individuals are missing opportunities because they still believe in working capital to start and grow a business. The WITS digital campus says the word “currency” is associated with money or assets, something you can use to buy or barter with. Global business leaders find themselves in an interesting predicament – while they are geared to making more money and gaining more assets, they face a critical shortage of skilled employees to make it happen for them. These three global expert views confirm that skilled employees are worth their weight in gold. 

The Deloitte report indicated careers no longer progress in a neat line from learning to earning to retirement. Not only are people more likely to change jobs and even career tracks over the course of their lifetimes, but freelancers who contract out their skills rather than work for an employer have also become a significant portion of the labour market. The challenging aspect of this transformation is that many learning institutions and companies have still not adjusted to the reality that skills are the new currency. Acknowledging that requires offering working professional’s frequent opportunities to add skills on an ongoing basis throughout their careers. Effective training is key to helping people excel today.

After reading these articles, one question came to my mind. What is stopping us from starting and growing a business, if the barter system is available? In my hometown, we call this Stokvels but even at home we still using money as a currency. What fascinates me more in the Deloitte report is the technology impacts that change skills for currency. Technology is transforming the workplace and fundamentally changing the way companies around the world are hiring talent. Skills – technological and “human” skills – are quickly becoming the new professional currency, a benchmark by which managers and human resource leaders are evaluating candidates.

What is stopping us from using our skills as currency? Expect believes that we are fixated on the idea of money being a currency. Human nature forces us to embrace the status core and not challenging it. That may explain the reason, why we do not commit to a barter system for starting and growing a business. It also explains why many hometown stokvels still focusing on money as currency. If skills can be a currency, what is a skill or what is a currency? 


A skill is an ability to use one’s knowledge effectively, readily in execution and in a competent manner. Skills can be classified into three main types: Transferable/Functional, Personal Traits/Attitudes, and Knowledge-based


Currency is a medium of exchange for goods and services. In short, its money, in the form of paper or coins, usually issued by the government and generally accepted at its face value as a method of payment. Currency is the primary medium of exchange in the modern world, having long ago replaced bartering as a means of trading goods and services.

If the currency replaced the bartering system, this means the currency created uneven grounds for everyone. We live in a world where only individuals with capital can start or grow business. We sell our skills to these individuals every day and get paid in the currency of the day. 

Skills as a Currency

The idea of skills as currency moved, creates a world of opportunities. The idea of a software developer, engineer and marketing officer developing the engineering software by contributing their skills to make and sell the products. At the end of trading skills as currency, every individual shares the profits as per the contribution of the skills. I know this sim to far fetched but it an idea. If the freelancers who contract out their skills rather than work for an employer have become a significant portion of the labour market is possible. What is stopping us from trending skills as currency?  They say it’s only when you are pushed to a corner you start realising things can be done differently. I hope that day is coming soon as per the three articles mentioned above.

The PosetiveMind believes in Skills as a Currency and possibilities it possesses, that way we looked at both words in the positive lights illustrated by quotes. 

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S – Secure: The aim of the wise is not to secure pleasure, but to avoid pain. Aristotle

K – Knowledge: Without knowledge action is useless and knowledge without action is futile. Abu Bakr

I – Inspire: “Don’t limit yourself. Many people limit themselves to what they think they can do. You can go as far as your mind lets you. What you believe, remember, you can achieve.” – Mary Kay Ash

L – Leaders: A Leader is a dealer in hope, Napoleon Bonaparte

L – Leverage: When you combine ignorance and leverage, you get some pretty interesting results. Warren Buffett

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C – Courage: Courage is grace under pressure, Ernest Hemingway

U – Unlock: When you are grateful – when you can see what you have – you unlock blessings to flow in your life, Suze Orman

R – Rewards: The reward for work well done is the opportunity to do more, Jonas Salk

R – Results: Quality is never an accident. It is always the result of intelligent effort, John Ruskin

E – Enjoy: Simply enjoy life and the great pleasures that come with it, Karolina Kurkova

N – Natural: Like music and art, love of nature is a common language that can transcend political or social boundaries, Jimmy Carter

C – Currency: The true currency of life is time, not money, and we’ve all got a limited stock of that, Robert Harris

Y – YOLO: You only live once but if you do it right once is enough.

The Dying Tree – Roots

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It was summer, last session coming back from a construction site and full of emotions. I went to the park to clear my head before going home. At the park I met an old man, we gritted, and he started the conversation.  What is eating you, my son? I responded, the employees are not happy, and I cannot assist them this time. How big is the problem?  I’m not sure but the morale and results are gone. That bad, this means the tree is dying since roots are getting weak said the old man. I asked, what do you mean? The old man gave me a good one-hour lecture about the structure of the tree and the importance of the roots. 

Hours later, I was home and recalling what the old man was saying. I started looking at the tree with the old man eyes. I found out that the Tree of Life symbol represents our personal development, uniqueness and individual beauty. Just as the branches of a tree strengthen and grow upwards to the sky, we too grow stronger, striving for greater knowledge, wisdom and new experiences as we move through life. The Tree of Life symbol also represents the connection to one’s family and ancestors. The Tree of Life has an intricate network of branches that represents how a family grows and expands throughout many generations. It also symbolizes fertility as it always finds a way to keep growing, through seeds or new saplings, and is lush and green, which signifies its vitality. 

The roots play a very vital role in the structure of the tree. Roots are the underground branches of the tree. They reach down into the ground to get the minerals and water for the tree’s growth. The roots also anchor the tree in the ground. The more the branches grow and expand in the crown, the more they grow deep and wide under the ground. The roots of a tree are the parts that don’t bear any nodes, nor do they ever leaf. They are the base of the tree. Just like a house, the stronger the base, the stronger the structure will be. Everyone knows that tree roots are important to a tree. But do you know why they’re so important? Well, without the roots, the tree would not be able to survive; it’s as simple as that. Just like the organisation that does not value its employees.

The tree structure is well illustrated by Stephen Covey speed of trust 4 Cores of Credibility

Integrity: To use the metaphor of the tree, integrity is the root. Even though it’s underground and not even visible most of the time, it is vital to the nourishment, strength, stability, and growth of the entire tree. 

Intent: In the dictionary, the intent is defined as “plan” or “purpose.” No discussion of intent would be complete without talking about three things: motive, agenda, and behaviour.

Capabilities: Using the metaphor of a tree, capabilities are the branches that produce the fruits or the results. Capabilities are particularly essential in today’s changing economy, where technology and globalisation are outdating skill sets faster than ever before.

Results: Results matter! They matter to your credibility. In the words of Jack Welch, having results is like having “performance chits” on the table

What fascinated me is the positioning of the integrity and intent in the 4 cores of credibility in the tree structure. They have a character of the ROOTS, that create capabilities and results. I recalled that the old man said almost something. The ROOTS is the anchor for the tree, the tree will not survive without the roots. If the employees represent the roots and organisation represent the tree. The old man is correct to say the tree is dying. This tree will lose its uniqueness, strength, energy to strive for greatness and growth.

The character of the word ROOTS made me ask the positivemind question, what is in the word ROOTS illustrated by quotes.

Respect: “Knowledge will give you power, but character respect.” Bruce Lee

Offer: Excellence is the unlimited ability to improve the quality of what you have to offer. Rick Pitino

Operative: The employee is regarded by the employer merely in the light of his value as an operative. His productive capacity alone is taken into account. Leland Stanford

Thriving: My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style. Maya Angelou

Success: A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him. David Brinkley

Traditional Route or Your Passion

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I usually hear people saying, I took the traditional route instead of my passion. I once read a book by Jack Canfield called Success Principles,

in one of the chapters he describes the functioning of our brains. He said when we were kids, we were certainly sure of what we want and what we wanted to do in life. He further explains what change our minds to Traditional Route. He said the environment around us has a major role in transforming us from Passion to Traditional Route. 

I read the article online titled, following your passion is bad career advice but it concluded with “finding your passion is about what defines you, makes you who you are. It’s not what pays the bills”. They advise was don’t give up the day job while pursuing your passion. For me, this was the confirmation of Jack Canfield theory. After leaning this theory, I wanted to find out what is my Passion. I had to travel back memory lane, guess what? I found out that, I’m very good at art, drawing and building things. Now it explains why I end up doing Civil Engineering that needs drawing and building. Within the profession, you can get lost from your Passion. A few days later I read 2nd articles, the article was about following your passion and success will follow. The article concluded with “enjoying the work you do, in some ways, is more important than having a large bank account”.  

The biggest question remains if passion will make success follow us, why there is the biggest drive to change our mind to Traditional Route? Is it the change by defaults or intentional? That what made me want to know the secret behind the word: PASSION

Power: The capacity or ability to direct or influence the behaviour of others or the course of events. Personal power is a source of influence, command, control, dominion, jurisdiction, and sway a person has over his or her others or the course of events. If we have power, why we are not taking control of our passion so that success will follow. Let try it we may enjoy the work we do for life.

Action: The action is something the subject of the sentence or clause is doing. This means if we use our source of influence and transform it into action, will be a few steps away from obtaining our passion.

Spirit: Spirit comes from the Latin word for “breath,” and like breath, the spirit is considered a fundamental part of being alive. If the spirit is behind the secret of passion, does it means if we are not following our passion we are not living? We are just visitors in this world. Let breath a little, we may end up enjoying the work we do and life in general.

Strive: To strive is make a great effort to achieve or obtain something. Madeleine Albright said, “I was taught to strive not because there were any guarantees of success but because the act of striving is in itself the only way to keep faith with life.” If striving is the only way to keep faith with life, what are we going to lose if we strive of our passion?

Inspiration: Inspire means to excite, encourage, or breathe life into. Inspire comes from the Latin word that means to inflame or to blow in to. When you inspire something, it is as if you are blowing air over a low flame to make it grow. Let blow air over our passion of flames to make us grow. 

Over: The word over means something, or someone is completely finished, defeated, or dead. Let defeats all the narrative that says following your passion is bad career advice.

Negativity: Negativity is a tendency to be downbeat, disagreeable, and skeptical. It’s a pessimistic attitude that always expects the worst. Using our power, taking actions, breathe a little and blow air over our passion of flames we are going to defeats all the negativity that stopping us from doing our passion. Afterall following your passion is to keep faith with life for success to follow.

I still do not have answers to why the world is focusing on Traditional Route over Passion. If you have the answer, please share.

Time To Battlefields

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It was the 4th of December 2020 travelling to my friend wedding at Battlefields. Myself and my wife we agreed to travel at 13:00 to avoid driving at night. She asked to start at the saloon to look beautiful for the wedding. Knowing my wife, she needs her time at the saloon. I do not know what I expected when agreed for her to start at the saloon on the same day we travelling.

Time tells the story, create emotions and it heals. At 10:00 my wife called me and said the saloon is full but she still going to make it for 13:00. 5 hours late she was still at the saloon and she was not updating now, I think she understood that she has broken the agreement. I was so upset with her, but deep in my heart, I knew that she will not make it for 13:00 as agreed. I do not know why I was upset because I know my wife when it comes to beauty and fashion. She eventual she arrived at 17:00 and she apologies, but I couldn’t say angry at her she was so beautiful it was worth the wait. We eventual travelled and we had a great time to battlefields.

After dinner, we went back to the room to prepare for the wedding the following day. While my wife was working on her dress for the wedding the following day and I started doing my daily reflection before I go to bed. I started reflecting why I was so angry when I knew that she will be late and it hit me, the importance of time. Time means different things everyone, it is something we deal with every day and something that everyone thinks they understand. What fascinates me is the compact and robust definition of TIME has proved to be remarkably tricky and elusive. I wanted to understand what TIME means to me, that made me angry. I realized that TIME means:

Trust – Reliability and firm belief. I trusted my wife will be here at 13:00 as agreed. I had a firm belief that she will be on time, even if I knew she is always late I still believe that she will be there. 

Integrity – The state of being whole and undivided is imported. To me being whole means keeping your promises and agreements. Not keeping the promises met not being whole to me. 

Measured – carefully considered and restrained, assess the importance, effect or value of something. The measure was 13:00 and we both failed 

Engaged – Formally agreed to a commitment. We did not meet keep to our commitment.

Before I went to bed, I realized that the deeper meaning of time has a different impact on everyone. Form me it Trust, Integrity, Measured and Engaged, what is your deeper meaning of TIME?

Complaining at Spiritual Retreat – The Deeds

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After some months of hardship in our space, I decided to go for the Spiritual Retreat that my old sister had recommended. When she lost her job last year, she went through a lot of hardship and Spiritual Retreat was what helped her to be normal again. We both took a drive to the north coast of KwaZulu Natal, it was a 6-hour drive. The alone drive was therapeutic, having to catch up with my sister and discussing important family issues. 

6 hours late we arrived at the venue and the first Spiritual Retreat was scheduled for 8 am the next day. All the sections were great, I was learning something new and the growth in my spiritual connection. On the 3rd day during the section, the facilitator stopped and asked one of the attendees. Why you always complaining? From day one you were negative, I was hoping by day three you be better. For a moment, we were all quite and the was no response from the lady in question.

The facilitator illustrated the impact of complaining in life and for our health in general. That afternoon it took time to found out more about the impact of complaining in life and on our health in general. I came across the article on entrepreneur which suggested that while it’s not an exaggeration to say that complaining leads to brain damage, it doesn’t stop there. When you complain, your body releases the stress hormone cortisol. Cortisol shifts you into fight-or-flight mode, directing oxygen, blood and energy away from everything but the systems that are essential to immediate survival. One effect of cortisol, for example, is to raise your blood pressure and blood sugar so that you’ll be prepared to either escape or defend yourself.

All the extra cortisol released by frequent complaining impairs your immune system and makes you more susceptible to high cholesterol, diabetes, heart disease and obesity. It even makes the brain more vulnerable to strokes

What I liked about this article it introduced the concept of Deeds based on the common law. The purpose of a deed is to transfer a title, a legal document proving ownership of a property or asset, to another person. This met to transfer the title of complaining to something with a positive purpose.


This concept says something truly worth complaining about — is to engage in solution-oriented complaining. Think of it as complaining about a purpose. Solution-oriented complaining should do the following:

  • Have a clear purpose. Before complaining, know what outcome you’re looking for. If you can’t identify a purpose, there’s a good chance you just want to complain about its own sake, and that’s the kind of complaining you should nip in the bud.
  • Start with something positive. It may seem counterintuitive to start a complaint with a compliment but starting with a positive help keep the other person from getting defensive. For example, before launching into a complaint about poor customer service, you could say something like, “I’ve been a customer for a very long time and have always been thrilled with your service…”
  • Be specific. When you’re complaining it’s not a good time to dredge up every minor annoyance from the past 20 years. Just address the current situation and be as specific as possible. Instead of saying, “Your employee was rude to me,” describe specifically what the employee did that seemed rude.
  • End on a positive. If you end your complaint with, “I’m never shopping here again,” the person who’s listening has no motivation to act on your complaint. In that case, you’re just venting, or complaining about no purpose other than to complain. Instead, restate your purpose, as well as your hope that the desired result can be achieved, for example, “I’d like to work this out so that we can keep our business relationship intact.”

The dangers of complaining are also illustrated in the Philippians 2:14-16 ESV / 1,741 helpful votes Helpful Not Helpful Do all things without grumbling or questioning, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish amid a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast to the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I may be proud that I did not run in vain or labour in vain.

The concept of Deeds led me to PositiveMind question of what is in the word DEEDS, illustrated in a quote.

DESIRE: The size of your success is measured by the strength of your desire; the size of your dream; and how you handle disappointment along the way. Robert Kiyosaki

ENHANCE: I think that’s the great thing about acting you get to play different characters and enhance one part of yourself to really bring that out and create a new person. Danielle Campbell

EXCELLENT: Successful people will always tell you you can do something. It’s the people who have never accomplished anything who will always discourage you from trying to achieve excellent things. Lou Holtz

DESTINY: Destiny is no matter of chance. It is a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved. William Jennings Bryan

SUCCESS: Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts. Winston Churchill

Find My Phone – The Courage

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Most of us have changed our Sunday routes since we are not able to meet and worship with congregant due to lockdown regulations. I have also changed my Sunday routes. I start with my Anglican pray book section and read bible verses, guided by an Anglican prayer book. This is normally followed by watering my bonsai tree, drowning inspiration from Bonsai meaning. Bonsai symbolises harmony, peace, an order of thoughts, balance and all that is good in nature

On this special day, after finishing watering my bonsai tree I went outside to relax in front of my wife’s car. Few minutes late I was back inside the house, forgetting my phone on top of the bonnet. A moment later was off to visit her sister at Verulam north of Durban, she did not see my phone on top of the bonnet.

Later in the afternoon, I wanted to call my parent to check if they are fine. That when I realised my phone was missing. I started looking for it and the phone was not in the house. I called my phone, it was rigging with no response on the other side. At that moment I was panicking and not thinking straight. After taking a deep breath and recollected myself, I remembered that my phone has to Find My Phone functionality. I searched for the phone on the App, the App located 600m from my house. At this moment I know the location and believed that my phone is at the address the App indicated.

Knowing the location of my phone, created the COURAGE to go out there and FIND MY PHONE. The courage to go to someone’s house and ask if they FIND MY PHONE was unbelievable. In my mind there was no obstacle that could prevent me from finding my phone, Eminem side it well: Lose Yourself “Look If you had one shot or one opportunity To seize everything you ever wanted in one moment would you capture it or just let it slip?” I decided to capture the moment to FIND MY PHONE. I drove to the address and I found my phone, but the screen was crashed. They told me, they found the phone on the road next to my house being crushed by passing vehicles. The phone fell from my wife’s car after joining the main road. I must say I was grateful to find my phone and did share my gratitude with the young men that found the phone by giving him R 250.00

On my way back home, I was asking myself. Where did I get the COURAGE to go to someone’s house and ask for my phone? I realised that knowing create believe and believe create COURAGE. Courage is something that everybody wants—an attribute of good character that makes us worthy of respect. There are different types of courage, ranging from physical strength and endurance to mental stamina and innovation. The below quotes demonstrate six different ways in which we define COURAGE:

  • Feeling Fear Yet Choosing to Act: “I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” —Nelson Mandela
  • Following Your Heart: “Passion is what drives us crazy, what makes us do extraordinary things, to discover, to challenge ourselves. Passion is and should always be the heart of courage.” —Midori Komatsu
  • Persevering in the Face of Adversity: “Most of our obstacles would melt away if, instead of cowering before them, we should make up our minds to walk boldly through them.” —Orison Swett Marden (1850-1924)
  • Standing Up For What Is Right: “Sometimes standing against evil is more important than defeating it. The greatest heroes stand because it is right to do so, not because they believe they will walk away with their lives. Such selfless courage is a victory in itself.” —N.D. Wilson, Dandelion Fire
  • Expanding Your Horizons; Letting Go of the Familiar: “Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.” —Lord Chesterfield
  • Facing Suffering With Dignity or Faith: “There is no need to be ashamed of tears, for tears bear witness that a man has the greatest of courage, the courage to suffer.” —Viktor Frankl

Knowing different types of courage is not enough, we need to find the meaning behind the word COURAGE. The below quotes demonstrate the meaning behind the word COURAGE:

  • Choice: “Life presents many choices, the choices we make determine our future.” – Catherine Pulsifer
  • Objective: “Know what your objective is. Anything that does not contribute to that objective is unnecessary; let those things go.” ― Richelle E. Goodrich
  • Understand: “Peace cannot be kept by force; it can only be achieved by understanding.” Albert Einstein
  • Respect: “ knowledge will give you power, but respect character” – Bruce Lee
  • Action: “Belief means nothing without actions” ― Randa Abdel-Fattah, 
  • Gratitude: “Gratitude is the healthiest of all human emotions. The more you express gratitude for what you have, the more likely you will have even more to express gratitude for.” —Zig Ziglar 
  • Empathy: “Empathy is seeing with the eyes of another, listening with the ears of another, and feeling with the heart of another.” Anonymous

Let assume knowing create believe and believe create COURAGE. Do you have the COURAGE to act on it?

Response from Brother In-law – HOPE

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Last year was difficult for everyone, people losing jobs and love ones. I was also not immune to this situation. My older sister lost her job at one of the leading retailers in South Africa. A few months later, I met my sister with her husband in one of the restaurants in Durban central to collect some heabs. One thing I’ve learned from COVID is the importance of African heabs to boost our immune system.

They invited me to join them while enjoying their dinner. We discussed the current development in the world. The story of me travelling to the north coast came up and I proposed to travel with my sister. The response from my brother-in-law was not expected. He said if she is still around. We both sad what? He said she may have a job by the time you travel to the north coast my brother-in-law responded. His response moved me, his HOPE and believe was out of this world.  His HOPE made me realise the impotence of HOPE in life.

Psychology today said having hope is to imagine a positive outcome. The directive of many motivational principles is to visualize what you want and imagine positive outcomes so that your behavior is unconsciously structured to create them. However, one does not need to turn to quantum explanations to account for the positive effects of hope. 

The crossway illustrates the deeper meaning of HOPE “In a word, hope: hope understood not in the weak sense of optimistic whistling in the dark, but in the strong sense of certainty about what is coming because God himself has promised it. This hope is unique in the fields of both religion and philosophy. The philosopher Kant observed that the question, “What may I hope for?” is one of the most important questions one can ever ask, but he did not claim he could answer it.

To have hope is to want an outcome that makes your life better in some way. It not only can help make a tough present situation more bearable but also can eventually improve our lives because envisioning a better future motivates you to take the steps to make it happen. In a way, having hope links your past and present to the future. You have a vision for what you hope will happen. Whether it does not, just envisioning it can make you feel better. And if it’s something you can somewhat control – like the kids working to get out of poverty – then hope can motivate you to take whatever steps you need to take. Dr Neel Burton, a book author who writes about emotions, writes that he always asks patients for what they hope for, because if they say “nothing” then that is a sign of depression or worse. Having hope is important to the very act of being a human being. As Dr Judith Rich writes, “Hope is a match in a dark tunnel, a moment of light, just enough to reveal the path ahead and ultimately the way out.”

After reading articles about HOPE, I realised that HOPE is HAVING ONLY POSITIVE EXPECTATION. PositiveMind questioned what is in the word HOPE, illustrated in a quote.

Hero: The hero sees values beyond what’s possible. That’s the nature of a hero. It kills him, of course, ultimately. But it makes the whole struggle of humanity worthwhile – JOHN GARDNER

Observe: The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it – George Bernard Shaw

Positive: Look for something positive in each day, even if some days you have to look a little harder

Expectation: Expectations Don’t magically Change Reality. Expectations Do Something Even More Powerful They Change The Way you Deal With Reality!!