Leading by fear – The Respect

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Leadership has changed over the years, we have seen leaders becoming innovative in motivating and getting positive results. Leading by fear was starting to despair in some of the workplaces, thanks to the work done by organisations like Steven V Covery. Since COVID came into our life’s, I have seen the elements of leading by fear returning, it triggered by working from home. Most leaders were not ready for this arrangement.   I have seen it often throughout my career. Many leaders still show a leadership style of fear, even at a time where society is becoming more progressive and entrepreneurial.

One of the problems is that leading by fear can work. Fear is a very effective motivator, even if it involves an unpleasant sensation. There is no doubt that leading by fear can get things done. For humans, fear is a primal motivator that can prevent the lion from eating us. That is when there were lots of lions around. In a work environment, there are no lions. Only people.

Fear is a powerful motivator, there is no doubt about that. However, leading by fear has several consequences that I’ve noticed during my career.

1. Leading By Fear Stops Teamwork

2. Leading By Fear Creates Workplace Gangs

3. Leading By Fear Stops People From Speaking Up

4. Leading By Fear Kills Confidence in Team Members

Tom Flick believe that leading by fear is like a nasty virus that will plague the organisation. Sometimes, leading by fear appears effective in the short term; it can cause immediate action, and ensure temporary accountability, but it’s the biggest problem is that it creates a sense of false urgency in people, a heightened sense of anxiety which in turn creates a lot of activity, but not a lot of productivity. Leading by fear creates false evidence that appears to be real. Often, leaders who have reached a point of desperation will resort to leading with fear. However, there are some drawbacks to joining this dark-side method of leading. Its human nature, when you’re are scared the defencing mode kicks in. That is why leading with fear is effective for the short term. This was not a surprise when    Wikipedia said “Fear is an emotion induced by perceived danger or threat, which causes physiological changes and ultimately behavioural changes, such as mounting an aggressive response or fleeing the threat. Fear in human beings may occur in response to a certain stimulus occurring in the present, or in anticipation or expectation of a future threat perceived as a risk to oneself”

The alternative is a respect-based leadership model. This practice is done by great leaders and can have enormously positive results in the organisation. Great leaders make those around them better. They find ways to discover the best in people and enable their full potential. Those inspired folks, in turn, go out to influence more people, and a domino effect of possibility occurs in the organization.

When employees are empowered, they’re focused externally, and more likely to look outside themselves and put their attention on bettering their team and the customer experience. Respect a man, he will do the more. James Howell

Respect is a key requirement for a healthy work environment. It promotes teamwork and increases productivity and efficiencies in the workplace. It lets employees know they are valued for their abilities, qualities, and achievements, and that their role is important to their company’s success.

The characteristics respect-based leadership model led me to the PositiveMind question of what is in the word RESPECT, illustrated in a quote.

RESPONSIBILITY – Responsibility is accepting that you are the cause & the solution of the matter.

EMPOWER – As we look ahead into the next century, leaders will be those who empower others. Bill Gates

SERVE – The purpose of human life is to serve, and to show compassion and the will to help others. Albert Schweitzer

PRODUCTIVITY – “Start by doing what’s necessary; then do what’s possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible.” -Francis Of Assisi

EFFICIENCY – Efficiency is doing things right; effectiveness is doing the right things. Peter Drucker

COOPERATION – No leader, however strong, can succeed at anything of national importance or significance unless he has the support and cooperation of the people he is tasked to lead and sworn to serve. Rodrigo Duterte

TRUST – You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don’t trust enough. Frank Crane









SERVICE of the Men With an R4 rifle

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2020 was a difficult year for everyone, one of the things we could not do was our date weekend with my wife. After 8 months of lockdown in South Africa, all our relationship culture was not the same. After our annual couple retreats, we reinstated some of our relationship cultural practise and one of them was dates weekend.

On our way back from our first date weekend, I had to pass through police station to get commissioner of oats to sing off for the trust documents that my friend and I were working on for our legacy. We stopped at the police station to get commissioner of oats sings off, my wife said she will wait in the car. I entered the charge office, at the front desk one couple was sitting there to report missing person case. Only one officer was on the front desk, but you could hear that someone was in the back office. I waited for about 40 minutes without any service provided, for a 2-minute service. 15 minutes later one young lady entered the charge office for certification of documents, a minute later middlemen age entered the charge office, he was on the cell phone. 

A few minutes later the men left the charge office and the middlemen age officer that was in the back office appeared with car keys on his hand. He walked to the door, living the charged officer. On his way out he stopped and asked, are you both together? I replied, no and he stops for a minute but continued to walk to the police van. It now 1,5 hours sitting at the charge office for a 2-minute service. I’m now fuming inside, and you can see it in my eyes, what makes things worse is the middlemen age officer that did not provide the 2-minute service after asking. What made me angrier, why did he ask if he’s was not going provide the 2-minute service?

A minute later one officer came in with one suspect in handcuffs, followed by the Men With an R4 Rifle. The men on the phone returned and walk straight to the back office with some documents. A few minutes later, he was done and left the charge office. I was starting to lose it and I was 5 minutes away from walking out, but the officer that came with suspect came back and walk out of the charge office door followed by Men With an R4 Rifle.  Something unexpected happened, the Men With an R4 Rifle stopped and asked the officer at the front desk, are you working alone. She responded, yes I’m alone.  The Men With an R4 Rifle asked who are here for commissioner of oats sing-off and certification of documents? We responded with the young lady, the Men With an R4 Rifle told his partner to wait for 10min he needs to assist the officer at the front desk.

The Men With an R4 Rifle went to the front desk, put his Rifle down and ask who came first. I was on my feet first, 2 minutes late my document was done and, on my way out of the charge office, I said to myself the Men With an R4 Rifle understand the concept of SERVICE. As was driving home I could not stop thinking, how can men without a gun do not help us but the Men With an R4 Rifle stop helps? That afternoon I could not stop thinking about SERVICE, I started looking for what is in the word SERVICE?

The Men With an R4 Rifle clearly understood the concept of SERVICE, which is in the word SERVICE. 

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SOCIALIt a responsible ethical framework and suggests that an individual has the obligation to work and other individuals for the benefit of society at large. The Men With an R4 Rifle understand the police service responsible ethical framework to benefit me and the young lady.

ETHICALIt the moral principle that governs conduct with its customers. The Men With an R4 Rifle moral principle are still in place which governs him with his customers.

RESPONSIBLE: The duty to perform the work for benefit of society at large. The understanding of his duty made him ask the question are you working alone?

VISION: Understanding of organisational vision to improve social services, by assisting the officer at the front deck improved the service provided to us.

INTELLIGENT: Having the capabilities of identifying the custom needs at all levels. The level of INTELLIGENT from the Men With an R4 Rifle made him identify the customers need while walking out the charge office.

COURTEOUS: Having good manners and respect for others in peruse of social service excellence. The respect of the Men With an R4 Rifle to us as customers in peruse of social service excellence.

ENGAGE: Be involved and pay attention to serving others for the benefit of society at large. Being involved and paying attention, making it easy for the Men With an R4 Rifle to serve while focusing on the task at hand.

The Men With an R4 Rifle made me forget the bad service from the middle men age officer that asked to serve us but left without helping. His understanding of the concept of SERVICE saved the day.

Your Biography, Can You Buy it?

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The past holidays I got some time to visit my old friend Jabulani in Richards Bay after charismas. The aim was to see the new house that he bought after his wedding. I had to stop at the Mall to get some small groceries. In our Zulu culture you do not come to visit someone’s house without umngenandlini (entering the hut). 

At the Mall, I bumped to my old colleague Mpho. Mpho has launched his new book called CRACKING THE PROPERTY INVESTMENT CODE 3 months ago. I congratulated him and asked how does it feel like to be the published author. He was so excited about his book, he even expressed the feeling of seeing your book at the book store. I could see the excitement in his eyes, it was so fulfilling seeing someone living his dream. We concluded our discussions and went our separate ways. A few minutes later I was at Jabulani’s house, the house is big and beautiful. We spend most of the day catching up and braai meat, a few hours later it was my time to go back home in Pinetown. On my way back home I recalled Mpho’s excitement and something came to mind. If having your book published make you feel like that, how is the feeling of buying your own book? I realized that the question does make sense. The question exists if the book is about your life story (Biography), written by another author.

Will you buy your life story book at the book store? Will you read it till the last page? Will you be proud of your life story? These questions made me reflect on my life and I started questioning some of my moment in life. I realized that I’m not sure about my story. The life story is unique for everyone and it based on different principles. My principles lead me to the following meaning of LIFE-STORY:


· LOVE: Love means to be deeply committed and connected to someone, yourself or something. The basic meaning of love is to feel more than liking towards someone or something. Love is when you choose to be at your best when the other person is not at their best. This plays important role in writing our life story, giving your best when the other person is not at their best.

· INSPIRE: Inspire means to excite, encourage, or breathe life into. Inspire comes from the Latin word that means to inflame or to blow in to. When you inspire something, it is as if you are blowing air over a low flame to make it grow. While writing our life story we must breathe life into our communities. Let make sure we aspire to inspire before we expire.

· FORGIVE: Experts define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness. Practising forgiveness on our life story releases all the negative feelings that may stop us from achieving our goals. 

· ENGAGE: Engage is being with someone/something to make an effort to understand and deal with someone or something. Being engaged brings support/contribution to positive change within the communities.


· STRIVE: Make great efforts to achieve something. Let make a great effort to achieve our goals, so that will be proud of our life story.

· TRUST: Reliability and firm belief. Trust the process to your goal and review it when needed. Be a firm believer of the plan and process that it will deliver, even if take too long. They say patience is a virtue, let be patience with our life story.

· ORGANIZE: To arrange/plan/ order things so that they can be  found easily and quickly. It easy for us to organize things for companies we work for, but difficult to do the same for our life story. Try a 5-year plan for your life story like the companies you work for, the progress can surprise you. 

· RESPECT/REWARD: Respect is a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements. The Dalai Lama said “ mutual respect is the foundation of genuine harmony” Practising respect on our life store will create genuine harmony with our yourself and others.

The reward is something that is given in return for good or evil done or received or that is offered or given for some service or attainment the police offered a reward for his capture. They say the journey is a reward, so as our life story. Latin proverb says ” after the battles come the rewards”. It is very important to celebrate your achievement, reward ourself to create the positive energy that will carry you during the difficult times. 

· YOURSELF: This is about loving yourself, accepting yourself as you are and to come to terms with those aspects of yourself that you cannot change. It means to have self-respect, a positive self-image, and unconditional self-acceptance. Steve Jobs said, ” your time is limited so don’t waste it living someone else’s life”. Let all write our life stories that will be proud of.

What are your principles of LIFE-STORY? I know it difficult to be sure of your answer to the existing question about your life story. Remember you still have time to rewrite your life story if you are not sure as me.

Build It as If It Yours – The ETHICS

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I got the call from my Line Manager, as usual, every Monday, since we started working from home, thanks to COVID. Our work trust has been put to test and our performance is now based on the results, not influence. We talked about my last week’s performance and other departmental new development. 

My Line Manager told me that the company is cutting office building space since the company is moving to a hybrid Office model. What shocked me was what he said next. He said the Queen’s Warehouse will be our departmental hybrid Office. The Queen’s Warehouse is the old building that was used by Queen of London when she came to the City in the old days. Why this is a very important building for me? I was the construction manager for the reconstruction of the Queen’s Warehouse and convention from the warehouse to offices during the Durban 2005 programme. This was one of the challenging projects, I ever worked on. The project was challenging because we had to preserve the history of the building while modernising it to be an attractive office. 

When my Line Manager told me about the Queen’s Warehouse, a few things came to mind. What if I overlooked some thinking because I was not the one using the building? Did I ensure that the building was structural sound, safe for the office environment and ergonomically correct for all individuals? These questions made me revisit my ethics as a human being.  The principles of Building It as If It Yours came to mind. This principle emphasises the importance of ethics and karma (What you put out will come back to you in unexpected ways. Give only what you don’t mind getting back to you).

The principles of Building It as If It Yours led me to PositiveMind question what is in the word ETHICS, illustrated in the quote.

Ethical -: Do what is right, not what is easy

Truth -: Truth will always be the truth, regardless of lack of understanding, disbelief or ignorance (W. Clement Stone)

Honor -: Rather fail with honour than succeed by fraud (Sophocles)

Inspire -: Aspire to inspire before you expire

Courage -: Courage is grace under pressure (Ernest Hemingway)

Service -: Service to others is the rent you pay for your room here on earth (Muhammad Ail)

The LOPO Medication

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I have been trying to understand some of my personality, what I found did not surprise me. I found out that I love challenges and finding solutions. In the being of my career, I was not able to hold a job for more than three years.  One of the reasons I was looking for the nextchallenge, but what drove me to the next challenge was the working conditions and culture. Seven later I joined one of the International Company, I have been working for this company for the past 11 years. In this 11-years leadership has changed three times but working conditions and culture has remained the same. This is one of the reasons I’m still working for this company. 

We currently going through the 4th leadership change, this one is deferent, and it is threatening company working conditions and culture. A few days ago, I attend a meeting with some of the company executives, where I realised the body/organisation is going to get sick. I started to fill my blood boiling, an increase in heart rate and I was getting sick. This was the first indicator that our body/organisation will need attention and that when I remembered the Sponge Bob and Square Pants Life lesson from Robin Sharma book The Greatness Guide https://www.robinsharma.com/article/life-lessons-from-spongebob-squarepants. The change is not in line with Sponge Bob and Square Pants Life lesson.

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They say it during this time when LOPO is the solution.  LOPO is the medicine used to treat the blood pressure,heart failure, heart attack, stroke, kidney and diabetes. The meeting I went too, made me think the organisation is approaching it heart failure or heart attack. It going to need LOPO medication. This will treat the organisational heart failure or heart attack to be the same working conditions and culture that I stayed in for the past 11 years. The LOPO solution will reinstate the following to the organisational conditions and culture:

1. L – Laugh and have fun: Enjoying your work and having fun in the process. There’s no point in being successful but sad. Makes no sense. Yes, reach for the mountaintop. But enjoy the climb as well. Life wasn’t meant to be an ordeal. Have a big-time fun as you chase – and catch – your most cherished dreams.

2. O – Originality: Being original and respecting cultural rituals. SpongeBob is one of a kind. Too many amongst us are afraid to be ourselves. So, we give up our dreams to follow the crowd. Sad. “To thine own self be true” wrote Shakespeare. Have the courage to be your true – and best – you.

3. P – People value: Recognising people talent that contribute to the success of the organisation. SpongeBob knows what friendship means. He loves his pals in Bikini Bottom, even Squidward “who is always cranky”, to use my son Colby’s words. SpongeBob knows that respect and putting people first are two of the most important elements of a strong relationship.

4. O – Optimist eternal: The guy (the sponge I should say) always sees the best in any situation. You’re thinking really does shape your reality. And because SpongeBob looks for the best, he finds it.

Sharing Experiences is Healing – HEAL

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It was December 2019, my close friend told us he is getting married on the 25 April 2020. We started making plans for booking accommodation at the wedding venue. 22 March 2020 President of South Africa announce National Lockdown due to COVID 19. All the plans were postponed. After 7 months my friend informed me, the wedding is back on the cards and the date is set for 5 December 2020. All the plans were back on track, unfortunately, Sibusiso (Blessing) one of our friend was not able to come due to work commitment. Nhlanhla (Luck) asked me to talk on behalf of the friends on the wedding day. 

I was 8th on the list of speakers on the wedding day, the program director called my name to speak on behalf of friends. I delivered my speech, toward the end of my speech. I started sharing some of my experience in my marriage, I was driving the point of living your marriage without allowing anyone to live their marriage through your marriage. The venue hall was silent, you could hear the needle falling. Few minutes late I was done and went back to my sit. During the wedding lunch, a huge gentleman approached me and said thank you. I asked him, for what?  We had the same experience, but our experience was longer than yours. Hang in there everything will be fine and the whole evening I was thinking about what the gentlemen said.

At the dinner, I shared the story with my wife and we were both moved. The 2nd day of the traditional wedding, both my wife and I had the same experience from different individuals. It was clear that we are not alone and something happened to me that afternoon. I was relieved and I was healed, as we were driving home with my wife. I asked her, how are you filling? She said I’m healed. 

Marc Maron said “I think sharing experience makes everything better. When people get talking about how they’ve overcome something or how they haven’t, it’s nourishing”

The principles of Sharing Experience, Led me to PositiveMind question what is in the word HEAL

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Helping: Helping one person might not change the whole world, but it could change the world for one person.

Everyone: Everyone wants to be the sun to lighten up someone’s life, but why not be the moon, to brighten in the darkest hour?

Accept:  Accept that you will never be perfect, life will have always have challenges & people will disappoint you sometimes. Acceptance is the first step to peace – Lori Deschene

Love: You always gain by giving love – Reese Withespoon

What is your experience you want to share and get healed?

Believing in Your Strength – The Bee on The Side Mirror

Yesterday driving to visit my parents after three months of work travel. I was listening to one of Sun El new song Mandinaye (with you), I love this song. I picked up some groceries at Seadoone mall, just to have something to show to my parents. As I join the N2 again driving towards uMkomaas, on my car side mirror next to the driver’s set. I noticed a bee was holding on to the side mirror, luckily the window was closed. During this period I was travelling at 60 to 80km/hr. I thought the bee will be blown away, not this bee. I started accelerating to 100km/hr – 120km/hr to see if the bee will be blown away. The bee continued to hold on the side mirror, I travelled for about 15km before taking off-ramp to Magabheni. I looked at the side mirror the bee was still on the mirror.

I stopped at the stop sign when I turned to the side mirror I saw the bee “flying” away. From the stop sign driving home on the local road. I was asking myself what made the bee not to be blown away and what made the bee to only move when the car was stationary. I spend almost 5 hours with my parents and my older sister. I returned home in Pinetown, as l park the car. I recalled my dilemma of a bee on the side mirror. I realised one thing that the bee believed was its strength. One of the bee strengths is legs and wings. Bees have two wings on each side of their body, which are held together with comb-like teeth called hamuli. These teeth allow the two wings to act as one large surface and help the bee create greater lift when flying. Each bee leg has claws for gripping and sticky pads to assist the bee in landing on slick surfaces. Bees also have taste receptors on the tips of their legs https://www.beeremovallongisland.com/carpenterbee.html#:~:text=Carpenter%20bees%20have%20two%20wings,create%20greater%20lift%20when%20flying.

After reading the strength of the wings and the legs of the bee, I realised that the bee knew its strength and believe in it. The bee features six legs and two pairs of wings. The muscles in the thorax allow the bee to control the movement of the wings during flight. The rapid contractions of the muscles produce the quicksilver movement of the wings https://www.perfectbee.com/learn-about-bees/the-science-of-bees/the-anatomy-of-bees. It clear that the bee kept its strength in good condition to function in the high-speed wind like moving car side mirror 

The Bee on The Side Mirror

I recalled something that one wise man told me, one of the human being strengths is the BRAIN. We need to be like the bee and believe in our brain’s capability, improving our brain strength and keep our brain in good condition to withstand any challenges in life like the bee side mirror. 8 ways to improve, condition and increase brain capacity: 

  1. Service / Serve: Service is defined as someone or something that is intended to provide help to those assisting others. Being of service to something — a person, a group, a community, a cause or a belief — means that you’ve chosen to engage without expectation of reciprocation.  There is a belief that to gain a greater sense of purpose and meaning in life it helps to participate in serving others. You will likely help yourself and others find a more powerful perception of life meaning, increase mental and physical well-being for yourself and others.
  2. Teach: Teach is instructing or training to cause knowledge gain or skill. Teach can be used for any method of passing on information or skill so that others may learn. They say when you teach, you understand the concept better and gain more skill in the process. Take time to teach others you will be a better person then you were the previse day. 
  3. Reflection: Reflecting is about thinking things through, a reflective person is a little different — he or she might have great insight due to taking the time to time caring about things. Reflection allows the brain to pause amidst the chaos, untangle and sort through observations and experiences, consider multiple possible interpretations, and create meaning. This meaning becomes learning, which can then inform future mindsets and actions. Reflecting will help you know better on the same situation.
  4. Empower: It about improving others or yourself. When empowering another person, you impact that person, but not just them. You are impacting the world and, ultimately, yourself. This is one of the ways of serving others like they say you will likely help yourself and others by empowering others and find a powerful perception of life meaning, increase mental and physical well-being for yourself and others.
  5. Nice: Being nice is when you are polite to people and treat people well. Being kind is when you care about people and show you care. Doing nice things for others boosts your serotonin, the neurotransmitter responsible for feelings of satisfaction and well-being. Like exercise, altruism also releases endorphins, a phenomenon is known as a “helper’s high.” Just be nice, you may not need that gym substruction.
  6. Gratitude: Gratitude is a warm feeling of thankfulness towards the world, or towards specific individuals. The person who feels gratitude is thankful for what they have and does not constantly seek more. The benefits of practicing gratitude are nearly endless. People who regularly practice gratitude by taking time to notice and reflect upon the things they’re thankful for experience more positive emotions, feel more alive, sleep better, express more compassion and kindness, and even have stronger immune systems. Just practice gratitude you may sleep better and have a stronger immune system, less time at the doctor’s office.
  7. Trust: Its ability to reliability and firm belief, you are less lonely and able to connects. You become more authentic about life is self and see the things more positive view. Your relationship will be improved, and your team perform will in your presence. Being more trusting may improve your circle of influence.
  8. Health: Health is a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity. Being healthy should be part of your overall lifestyle. Living a healthy lifestyle can help prevent chronic diseases and long-term illnesses. Feeling good about yourself and taking care of your health is important for your self-esteem and self-image. Maintain a healthy lifestyle by doing what is right for your body.

Practicing the 8 ways to improve the condition and increase brain capacity will help in knowing your strength like the bee on the side mirror. Do you know your strength and what would you have done if you were the bee in the side mirror?



The Con in the Window

My day starts early in the morning at 5:30. After COVID I stop going to the gym, I have bought some equipment to exercise from home. One morning during my training, I stop for a break I notice something on the window. The Con reflecting on the window, placed the con on the grass while the really con was positioned at the paved area. I was puzzled for a moment, I recollected myself and change my position. In my new position, I was able to see the true position of the Con.

From that moment I realized that what I see may not the same thing they see. The way we view the world may not the same way the world is viewing itself.  The view of your position tells you the story of what you are focusing at, change the view you may see or tell the different story. Tupac Shakur said don’t look back unless it’s a good view, he emphasizes the importance of a good view to see a true reflection of the story or meaning. The good VIEW may give you the true reflection of the story. The word VIEW give you a perspective to the real story.

Vision: This is the art of seeing what is invisible to others. Going for the invisible that will improve your life and society.

Inspire: Aspire to inspire before we expire. Your small drops of water make an ocean. Just like that if you can accomplish small successes, it will turn into something bigger and better for everyone.

Empower: We are more powerful when we empower each other. It about improving others or yourself. When empowering another person, you impact that person, but not just them. You are impacting the world and, ultimately, yourself. Changing one person’s life may not change the world but it’s may change someone’s world.

Worth: You are the only one that can determine and improve your worth. No one can take away your power. This is an illusion, a false barrier you have built. You can claim your power the minute you realize that you have it.Common sense is not common to everyone, the same as what you see may not the same thing they see. The question is, what do you see from your VIEW?